As of late, I know I've been saying that I was considering retiring from writing on my social media accounts. I was not lying. I was not trying to pull a stunt for publicity. I was not in another "funk." I was not trying to receive a pity party. I am retiring from book writing, indefinitely.
This was not an easy decision for me to make. When you are giving up something that has given you your identity, it takes some huge balls to make such a decision. There are many reasons why I've made such a choice. To begin, I am exhausted. Physically, emotionally, and psychologically exhausted.
No one understands how much of this work has taken its toll on me. I've been writing books professionally (also singlehandedly) for going on five years now, almost nonstop. That isn't even counting the thirteen years of intermediate experience I've had prior, from learning how to read at the age of two (all on my own) along with the writing that I was doing in my youth.
From 2014 to now, I kept increasing my output because I felt that I had a lot to prove. All my life, people ridiculed me and treated me as if I were nobody. Always been a second or last choice, in fact - no choice at all. I've had friends, family, and romantic prospects turn on me. I lost followers by the drove for doing something I was passionate about.
I even got shitted on by people that I really had a lot of love for. I worked garbage-paying jobs, doing too much work for little to nothing in return. I grew up without a father figure in a low-income area, battling curses that my family has dealt with for generations. So, with that - I wanted to show people I could really take this book writing stuff far and not cave into their doubt. While I did prove to the world that I had guts, the shit came at a cost.
I have placed too much pressure on myself to succeed. I have placed unrealistic expectations on myself. With each year that has passed by in my career, I wanted to outdo myself every single time. I was my biggest competitor. I wanted to always stay ahead of the game. While they were ridiculing me, I kept returning to the drawing board to work on what made me great and look at what I have created.
I may not be big like Stephen King, Danielle Steel, or Tyler Perry, but you cannot deny the work I've put in for my career and my city. Arguably, I'm one of the greatest writers to ever exist from the 973 and that is not to brag. My work speaks for itself. This was no fluke. So, for those people out there who believe that I didn't write all the books that I've written, think again. I would like to see you do this shit and then you can talk crap about me.
At the end of the day, everyone is going to have their opinions. There are people out there who don't care about the message I am trying to promote. They're just only keeping tabs on me so they can see what I am up to for spectating purposes, which is fine. Maybe you can take some notes from what I've done to make yourself a success instead of hating on the next man because somehow you see something in me that makes you feel small inside.
Additionally, I feel like I am not getting the support that I deserve. Like, I post positive stuff up on my pages and people unfollow, unfriend, and block me. You just scroll right past it and shake your heads. Yet, ya'll be sitting up here liking up all this bullshit going on with these celebrities and these strippers finessing the gram by putting up videos and photos of them shaking their asses and flashing their tits. If that's what gets you off, watch a damn porno then.
I do not ask for much. I do not want to take anything from anyone. I just want to inspire people and make them laugh in their darkest times. I want to show others how they can become successful. I know that I've made an impact on someone out there and that is what I am thankful for. I don't care about the fame, the fortune, and the women. That shit is for the weak.
When you get deep into this, you will soon find that your skill plays a bigger role. I have a gift and I want to share that with the world. It's all that I ever wanted to do. While I do agree I wasn't always perfect, I have enough self-awareness to acknowledge that. I wasn't always righteous. I didn't always use my talents for good. In some instances, I used my gift to belittle and denounce others. That was not out of spite.
It was something inside of me which triggered such an action. So, if I ever made anyone feel insignificant, I apologize. I really mean that. Whatever bad blood we had, it's all good. I have no hard feelings for anyone because it makes your heart heavier. If you ever want to ascend, your heart must be lighter than a feather.
For 2020, I have two more books coming. After that, I'm taking a temporary retirement. It's only right that I do. I must replenish myself. I will still be making moves though. Nothing has changed. I got other endeavors in the works. Once I do begin writing books again, I'm gonna be a totally different author. For the sake of my health, I need this time off.